Okay, The rhyme scheme wasn't consistant throughout, which isn't a problem, its just that at times it wasn't quite as smooth as others- this is down to sylables and where you placed your rhymes. On a note for you to elevate in terms of rhyming, is to try and use multis, because you can rhyme one word along with that of the inners aswell. But multis would practically lay down supremecy in the rhyming aspect of your writing. Your vocabulary was beautiful, honestly- it had a delicacy to it which i envy. There wasn't any; if few poetic techniques which really set you aisde from the rest as a profound writer, so work on that. but you had a really stong writers voice, which is extremely pleasing to read. You've come along way, just keep going and don't let off the throttle, keep working even harder ! This was v/good !!

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