View Single Post
Old 06-04-04, 09:31 AM   #11
.::N-Sight::.
GrOwN aSs MaN
 
.::N-Sight::.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 995
IP:

Preponderate of suicide is hot as it is cold but blocked like masonry,
Conesentrate motions at blade point consider left over basically,
Reiterate feelings run high the trail of thought quicker than blaze,
Matsatbate "wrong and Write" witnesses stand, stair eyes glazed,

^^^ Aiyo...this is so contrived it's not even funny..this is one of the easiest topics to write to. And, you sound like a robot. are you human? The vocab was there. BUt, where was the emotion?



suicidal thoughts,mercilas and manic,no way out from this surpression
judgements of misconceieved ill conceptions to form depression
state of mind dessolate,dark with no way out at the end
a world of hatred,heart,body and mind on suspend
envy,greed,rage and desire..inspire to close-out this life

^^^^ this is more like it...i mean, here you have emotion. Sure, it lacks the "big words"--2 cent words--of Hexen's piece. But, you piece actually connects with the reader on an emotional level more.


RHyme Tie
Vocab Hex
FLow Tie
Imagery Tstorm
Subject T Storm

Vote: T Storm