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Old 06-09-04, 04:39 AM   #17
.::N-Sight::.
GrOwN aSs MaN
 
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Posts: 995
IP:

Shadow: Your verse seemed amateurish. The rhyming was too simple. Also, the constant references to speaking with Tupcac became corny. You had typographical errors that were inexcusible. Also, please focus on a story line and follow it.

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest
(70 points total)

Rhyming: 5
Imagery:6
Wordplay:3
Vocab:4
Flow:5
Story/Lyrics:5
Emotion:5

Total:33/70
Standout Lines:

yes! im overjoyed and start to breath deeply and laugh...
then i wonder did tupac and big have2 cross this path......
i reached the end! and it feels like im on some crazy pills....
becuz theres green grass all over the gently rollin hills.......



FlowIntelligent: OMG...This is a no-brainer. Flow easily won this topical with more emotion, better imagery, and more mature feel to your piece. This was a good verse. I don't know what those other voters are thinking. But, they need to pull their heads out their asses.

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest
(70 points total)

Rhyming:6
Imagery:6
Wordplay:4
Vocab:5
Flow:6
Story/Lyrics:7
Emotion:7

Total: 41/70
Standout Lines:

all the mistakes i made and the days i never lived to the fullest
i have to look back on all this bullshit... but i feel its foolish
i have to...i must...i gotta see my daughter growing up
or i could turn away and decide if im goin down or goin up



Vote:Flow...better lyrics.PERIOD.