Well, I'd do a breakdown, but I don't really think it's necessarry.. bleek, posting with a structure like that will lose almost every battle for you.. Not only is it hard to follow, it tends to make the flow more choppy.. You lacked personals and metas and your punches didn't hit as hard as they should have.. Don't give up, just work on some of your weaker points and you should be shinin' in no time.. As for this one, it was pretty much one sided, and Mimesis hit much harder, with a much more organized verse. Much respect for both of ya..

v/Mimesis

one~