View Single Post
Old 07-14-04, 04:11 AM   #18
Ca'lam
The Light
 
Ca'lam's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,370
From: Saint Louis
IP:

hmm..

CARSON:
VA's ryhme's got more circulation than U.S dimes....
arrest u an ur PC at the same time......
on accusation's...typing....ur "destined 2 ryhme?"1
^first line was good meta..2nd and 3rd lines needed better wording.. i didnt like them to much
I'll pump 5 bar's strait to your chest...erase ya flesh
thinkin u the best..VA..your waste of an IP address....2
^first line and a half were bad in my opinion.. IP address was what saved it..iight punch
This aint a test....You came in "thread"-n-left "undressed"
Like u forget, now 1 win less...........................
...............You actually tried to mess wit Carsonjet3
^good bar until you ended it with Carsonjet.. was filler at the end.. messed the bar up..

Noticed ya rules-only one-no crew-so u could go-an-bite a few
DR one or two,and go on a recycle a bar as If i haven't view'd
^was good thoughts.. wording againw asnt good, which takes away from it..

Bitch you have no clue.......

It's simple arithmatic, a win fer me...an "L" for you.
Tomorrow afternoon....PM me...an tell me how it feels at 6-an-2
^first line ok.. was a setup.. but the punch let it down.. record punches are kinda played..
over all id give it a 6.5/10


VA:
Quote:
Originally Posted by .:VA:.


carsonJET aka adict, this marque was a glitch from tha start...
...Failure to quit, so consider these text as sendin this bitch on depart. (jet/plane)
^ok opener.. nothing special.. flowed well
Heres yor ticket, I already put yor baggage through...
...theres 1 carson, 2 JETS, 3. Typos and 4 attitudes. (Added 2/carsonjetX2+2)
^lol.. nice name play.. decentiLL sit you on a flight filled with iraqis, so yor for sure crashin to death...
....“hi sir im a doctor, its good that yor hearts pumpin, but yor lackin yor breath.
^umm.. im guessing you mean breathe as in rhymes/verses/lyrics.. but since im not sure.. you lost points for that..
im changin carson of flight, to carson of tha operation table...
...they won when they fought to keep you stable, at this price you bought tha rate:"disabled".
^again unclear.. had potential..

...this guy can predict tha future, cuz thats my result once yor put to rest in 2 lines. (1st bar)

erm bye

personals:va.... cuz (carson JET) and tha whole airplane theme
structure:va.... had a storyline to it
punches:va.....they hit, and unlike carson’s, you cud read them w/o stumbeling
vocab:carson...(sike)....cuz he misspelled his own name


vote: VA , points to tha fam
real votes??
^


overall this was a 5.5..

im sure this is some of the loww level work of these to guys.. i was feeling carson a lil more.. he had clearer punches. VA you had potential to win, but your punches just needed to be either re-worded, or maybe made a lil clearer.. not meaning put an explaination behind the verse either.. just work on tryna make the shit more understandable at a first glance..

v/Carson jet..
http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=134904
^return a an Honest Vote here please..
__________________
Can I Metaphor?
Mixtape Pushed Back to mid september.. Holla at me for a copy still
I'm felt cause im real. Can you say the same ? Prolly not.


Proud OYD member again . <------- That is whassup