I'ma have to go ahead n' agree with Manipulation.. Beside it being longer than the fuckin' bible, it wasn't bad.. You've got nice potential, but your structure is horrible.. You may disagree, but the fact is, people find that type of structure extremely boring to read.. I really do reccomend fixin' that up..Also try gettin' a little more complex.. 90% of that flow was incredibly basic.. Toss a few more less played metas in there.. Work on some wordplay.. you'll be droppin flames in no time.. stay up dawg, keep doin' ya thing..

one~