min verse:

Dessolate landscape, dust an hellfire sounds
Crys, screams and bloodstains spoil the granite ground
Stones crack, startled by onslaught of advancing tanks
I find myself scurrying...for cover behind broken fence planks
Alone, scared without freind,,thoughts of my distant lover
*STOP*..ive gotta pull together..i must take alternate cover

nice meta a good creative flow nice vocab while nicely paintin a picture in my head, good

Head peeks out, i turn...eyes locked on adjacent door
Without hesitation, i crawl, scurry on bloodstained floor
Enemy turns back..i gasp..leap for contact with door handle
*TWIST*...im in, eyes fixed on room lit with only candle
Instinctively i rise..race toeards and up stair flight
No time for hesitation..i need nerves of steel tonight

nicely switchin the mood with a good flow creative lines and well explaining the sceenery plus the reader get a feel on you emotions good...

Find myself alone,sweat pouring as i creep on church tower
Press myself against the wall..in an unpragmatic cower
Eyes flicker through broken bricks..my target is already pre-picked
Rifle leaves back for hand..not phazed by the dusty mist
A quick prayer,hope...as i take hand to gun eye to scope
Red berret,down below..i must put hault to his swift elope
nice multis at the end makeing the read better, still nice vocab and great creative lines this is real good so far...

Trigger to finger,nerves now twisting my intestines up
One final prayer for luck..i must now hurry precedings up
As trigger snaps shut..mettalic click fills my head on this dark night
Time moves slow..i can almost see, the bullets twist in flight
Quiet whoosh...as metal tears through victims skin to head
Encased in his brain cold lead..no noise as he now lays..dead
still good, nicely painting a picture in my head still of whats going on....

Time ticks..strange but no guilt as before in my head remains
This is war, ive changed..i just feel no emotions...no pain
Rifle re-placed in back..calmly i proceed down the steps
Only thought on my mind is...who will be my victim next
nice ending nice flow nice creative lines nicely showing whats happening at that point in time nicely multis to spice up the read good emotion shows and a movies was fourm from start till end in my head great piece here...

9.5 outta 10 cant front i loved it....

NEXT......


Location: Brooklyn, New York...On A nearby rooftop kneels a fully camoflauged man....he plants his sniper rifle on the rooftop and scopes in on a female walking down the street. Time: 12: 31 AM. Objective: Kill her, no matter what.

On a cell to Mob Boss
ME
Tony, she just left the candy-store
Tony
Well, grab her skull, i demand-the-whore

^^ getting the idea and picture started good,

My eye focuses through the lens, as I splash on my war paints
I gotta do the job just right and watch as that whore faints

She moved....I track her like a mueslim on hebrews
I have no feelings for victims there just see-through

My thoughts re-group, shift my body and put the scope on her head
About to Rope her with lead..leave her distressed like a pope in his bed
nice flow, good meta, and creative lines...

I aim close to her heart but instead move to the top of her head
pull the trigger slowly...one perfect shot...and she fell down dead

A crowd rushes to her side, as the woman faints, Police scramble on the rooftop from all directions, as I realize I've been set up

Reached for the glock in my hand, shoved a sock in that cop man
The police approached I scrambled Decided not to drop but stop stand


I manage to pick off 7 policemen, and run to a nearby gas station, where i sit with an automatic pistol clasped in my hands, my cell rings, It's Tony
good flow still creative lines i still got a picture in my head nice...

ME

Fuck you! Thats just low, to be set up by a crime boss

TONY
Wat are you saying kid? It's not like there was time lost

ME
I got set up, almost wet up like puppies in water
Cops surrounded me but they rushed to a slaughter

The cell dies out, Cop cars surround me with nowhere left to run, i strap C4 to my body...You can guess..

I ran to the tops of buildings a cop dropped i killed him
Like satanic juice makers i had to stop to peel him
good line here, still good flow

Gas Station Explodes, As the dust settles, nothing but a soot drenched man emerges from the dust...His name flow

It was worth the pain, I mean, I scored a victim, fuck the burns and flames
Crossing the rooftops I softly drift away...As the fire, turns to rain

nice ending, nice flow, good lines, slightly easyer to read the story was good as-well,
the ending was crazy i dont know how he lived but then again its u'r story ha...

good shit... 9.2
this gave me a headach to read and vote cuz honestly i loved both of them alot....

my vote: MaNiPuLaTiOn