aight straight up ..in da beginnin you focused on your ryme scheme n dint catch my attention.ya picked a average topic...was'nt feeling it ta be personal enough,your first verse lacked in content n story tellin..don't get me wrong it was'nt bad...2nd verse picked up for da story tellin part but lacked in vocab n ryme scheme,but i was deffinately feelin it more ..your ending was ok but it was kinda cliche"if ya get me" die'n at da end has been played...my advice would've been ta pick a better topic n try ta keep a balance of feelin /knowledge/storytellin all at once...ta write a really strong topical ya prolly need ta revamp it 4 or 5 times till its tight...it gets better each time...try using a tragedy..ex:fire or a victoryous moment:like birth for a strong topical..overall it was good..keep doin ya thing dawg....hope this helped..pc