Voted For: C_R_E_A_M

phatinum

yo im the grim reaper i took my last breath while i was killin death ill slice ya throat wid my axe i lay back in the hood like i should but the only hood you seeing is the one on your coat i think you better leave this battle before you choke your just a fckin joke you aint nothin compared to me im a lyrical g i might b a thug but u been step on more times then a bug nigga your that wossy with a nine ich pussy ill crumble you like my cookie cream wake up understand your lifes a dream
your meltin in the sun you betta leave im bout to hit and run

this was like one huge run on sentence I didnt see any bars or anything. No rhyming...nothing. You gotta put some structure into your shit and try to have some rhyming.



C_R_E_A_M
im b0ut ta merk dis kid,discipline em like my child_
hurt em wit a verse s0 h0t his reply will 0nly be mild_
peep my style,its up ta date like fitteds and tims_
and my bars'll be like needles,yo skin is what im stickin em in_
typen on a keyboardN,still merkin like im usen a pen n pad_
u like da grinch on christmas...my presents[presence] is maken u mad_
shyt! dis a eazy 0ne,i can spit flows hollow_
and ya momz an eazy 0ne,she can spit and swallow_
and duke..f0r ya blood i g0t crips ta follow_
dat'll leave u dead,wit no top like sleepy hollow_

You didnt come that good but you had structure and rhyming so you get my vote.

Its obvious that yall both are new...no hate just both keep elevatin. Phatinum work on writing verses and not paragraphs. cream work on personals and creativity.

v/cream

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