Its alright. I think you could fix the flow a little bit. Maybe you could use some multis in there too. Seemed poetic cuz the lines were all short and seemed like they were the same length. Also, try ta make rhymes that go together perfectly. Like..

"...most of yall."
"...chose to fall."

Get creative and shit. Rhymes like that please the reader cuz they flow well. Just a thought though. Good shit. Keep at it.

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