Journal Entry August 14th 2002

I got my report card today, It showed a point drop in my GPA
Feelin anxious and scared what my parents going to say?
See if they could only understand their pressure makes me fail
Can't Focus in School- In tests I sweat shake and bite my nails
"You Have to be successful, You have to be Number One"
My father drills words in my head, But I'm 19 I want to have fun
I'm feeling hopeless and along, trying to full-fill someone elses dream
Screamin at myself on the inside, Help is what I really need
I don't have many friends and I no longer have the energy
My father tries to help but we fight more like enemies
I can't take this life anymore, my heads swelled with desparagement
I can't manage- My dad and my classes are just too much to handle-it
I hear my parents arguin about me- Why can't they be proud or happy?
It's like a cloud of darkness in my head and heart has grabbed-me
This is too much of a hassle, I really just need to leave
Take walk go to the bar get myself a couple beers and breathe

Allans Journal Entry- August 15th 2004

It's two years later I just read your last entry
I had no Idea how you felt-- Why didn't you tell me?
I was trying to be supportive, supply the push a father gives
I had no idea my words would be the ones that pushed you off that bridge
You were my only child- Understand I didn't want to see you fail
Both your mother and I are shattered- She doesn't eat her face is pail
If I saw an end to this madness I'd do it. Or at least I'd Try-
But instead your mother will just lose us both to Suicide