hmm... there's a lot of room to grow here... i see ya had a little heartache... go more in depth with it.... use more words to describe ya emotions... structure ya sentences better... it should read like a painting; telling us visually what's going on as well as by ear... with some practice you will be a better writer... it takes time... don't rush ya drops... it ain't a battle... do what ya gotta do to get every point that you wanna get across to the reader out there... if ya gotta change a line then do that... do not settle for second best... go all out....one