I can't survive, everything I built is seeming to collide..
Surrounded by hate, and thoughts of suicide..
My household is full of arguements and non-stop bullshit..
The only thing worse than hell, is constantly livin' in it..
Get my hopes up listenin' to all these fictional stories..
My girl may be Workin alot, but she's always been they for me
I love her to death for her words of wisdom and personality..
Maybe one day, she'll help scare the demons outta me..
She's been like a sister, persistent and quick to help..
All the times she saved me from puttin' my life on the shelf..
She disliked my friends, but sure as hell hated my enemies..
If it wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't even be an MC..
Would've given it up, along with this life I live..
But, somehow she made good from all my sins..
I've felt lonely for years, never thought anyone could understand
But, that disolved the first time I started holdin' her hand..
Felt the love, every kiss is precious and frozen..
Stuck in time, and I leave my heart open for the moment..
Like that bunny, kept me goin' when I was low on energy..
Even though I'm a fuck up, I know my little sister envies me..
She see behind the paint, behind my disguise..
Takes the time to see the individual behind my eyes..
Lookin' up to me, and I can't even be a decent role model..
Instead I surround my life with marijuana and Tequila bottles..
--Chorus--
I got home sickness, and I don't know where to go..
All I see are poisonous clouds, acid rain and black snow..
Just for today,I'm beggin' to have something to come home to
And, I never knew what I had, until the day that I found you..
Wishin' for someone to understand that I'm a man..
I need more than for somebody to hold my hand..
In need of guidance and supervision to what I'm witnessin'..
A broken home, and there's always hate under any condition..
--Verse 2--
Grandma, how ya' doin'? My life has gone to hell..
But, I knew I could turn to you whenever I needed help..
When I had a problem with alcohol, you helped get it solved..
But, eventually, all of that just seemed to fall off..
I know you ain't over grandpa, but he's in a better place..
It hurts me too to look at pictures and see his face..
He built so much for you when he was alive,helped you survive
Now that he's gone, I'm really sorry that he died..
He's happy up in the clouds doin' a life sentence..
And, he's blessin' us from heaven with his presence..
I hope he knows Quan, that kid was a positive influence..
His word was the only thing he had, and he always stuck to it.
Even though we was pumpin' drugs, he kept me safe..
But, shit's changed since the day he was put in a grave..
Manic depression, razor cuts and overdosin' on pills..
Damn, man, I wish I could go back to the day he was killed..
We never would've went, but it was my decision..
I needed some money, I looked and he was missin'..
Never thought anybody cared, until the ambulance came..
Looked out the window, saw my brother callin' my name..
Saw deep in his eyes, and witnessed him startin' to cry..
I would just hate to see what happens the day I do die..
Didn't think anybody cared enough to cry over me..
Self-centered and greed-y, just beggin' for Jesus to cover me.
--Chorus--
I got home sickness, and I don't know where to go..
All I see are poisonous clouds, acid rain and black snow..
Just for today,I'm beggin' to have something to come home to
And, I never knew what I had, until the day that I found you..
Wishin' for someone to understand that I'm a man..
I need more than for somebody to hold my hand..
In need of guidance and supervision to what I'm witnessin'..
A broken home, and there's always hate under any condition..
--Verse 3--(Unfinished)
My life shouldn't be the way that it is, all of us kids..
Under my parents supervision are constantly dissed..
Harassed, called names and beaten for stupid reason..
And, everybody wants to know why I wanna quit breathin'..
My parents call me a failure, but what do they know..?
They're both fuck up's, and over time this will show..
Don't understand what we go through now a days..
It's a new century, we don't live by the olden ways..
Our future's aren't golden pathed, just trails with broken bricks
At the end of the walk, we also get nailed to a crucifix..
My parents constantly tell me they don't care about me..
But,they don't know what this household would be without me
I built alot for this family, my brother and sister come to me..
Whenever they have problems,yea,we got love unconditionally
well i didnt get to finish becuase i gotta go to work tomorrow but there my piece good luck