I liked the whole idea of this and it was working very well, I jus thought you shoulda and coulda developed it into something a lot more extreme... Everything was working, the imagery was hott, nice storyline, a minor twist on the end, but you shoulda made it more dramatic and put some emotion in it... Multies and rhythm was on point, and the flow didnt seem choppy, all smooth and easy ta picc up... More metaphors mighta hepled you get a deeper side to it, but I liked some of this ish I was reading and ya showed a mass potential, it was real, detailed and enjoyable... Keep elevating man...

Peez...