I think there were both good points and bad points to this... The concept was iLL, a tight thought and ya showed your skill to what you were thinking and the subjects you were talking about, it was well displayed... Imagery was nice, this helped with the vocab, combined you bought over metaphors and visions which worked well together... I werent feeling the rhyme scheme, I was finding it choppy, look at ya syllables when dropping larger words, your syllables were well off, and it made the piece lacc its rhythm... More multies and internal rhymes woulda made this a winner, jus watch out for em, use more to your advantage, LOOK into this... Otherwise im feeling the ideas, keep dropping the knowledge and elevate to the fullest...

Peez...