I like the ideas that you were using here, some powerful lines used with some decent wordplay, aint a bad effort... I do think your rhyme scheme needs piccing up though, sometimes your waiting for another line and it drops, you need some consistency, your multies build your rhythm, jus try spitting it out loud... The wordplay was aight, some well used similies, and it was quite hard hitting, vocab was overall well used, ya need some work here and there, but you got madd potential, jus keep spitting and elevating, I enjoyed reading this piece...

Peez...