both these poems had strong emotions coming outta them, but if u wanted to perfect them, u could make bars (//)... it truly helps out with the flow and the way the person percieves the poem, because a poems feeling can be changed by the flow..... the first peice, if u add bars, would be a truly wonderful peice... the words r meaningful and powerful, and the message is strong....if u can, take the time to use the //s, and keep it flowin