Light Weight
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IP:
Played material. You gotta take a subject like this and make it your own. Now I know you prolly had a lot of emotion behind this piece, but that's not what makes a good poem. If you channel that emotion into a creative idea with origionality then you'll have something. No offense but this peice prolly looks like something you could find in the shoebox of every teen that has lost a love...
Elevate man.
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