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Old 09-26-04, 11:09 PM   #20
schema
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Voted For: Hypnotist

Yvonne
I never knew hypnotised kids could lick a chicks clit
Becareful how u spit cos my busting u aint gon b sweet
OMG...terrible...first line was like 'well i can tell this is gonna be wack but lets see what she does with it' second line was like *looks down and shakes head*
How the fuck u think to own me,when ur’mind’is collided*
You still wouldn’t rock a mic bitch,even if u pre-wrote&recited**
this was at least an attempt...it wasnt terrible but it didnt really connect that well...second line had an extra syllable or two but it was so-so
6 lines cos u handy,dats y ur punches miss n hitting it sided**
this doesnt make any sense...

hmm...that first bar really fucked you over...if you had a decent first bar and then a second line on your last bar it mightve come out ok...any lines baout getting your clit licked or your dick sucked or whatever are automatically gonna be played so you REEALLY gotta flip it well to make it original...ive gotta grade you on a curve because you are new so comparitively your second bar was pretty good but you forgot to make a second line on your third bar...the whole verse had an overall feeling of being very rushed...fuck around with it and take the time to make it good...dont keystyle if you cant do it...


Hypnotist
Ok right here is where you realise that the time stops..
Bcus i wake you from a sleep..
And ishatter your dreams of winning just like alarm clockz..
very nice here for a noob (as you claim to be)...it isnt the most original concept but it had a good spin on it and im seeing the beginning of some good structure and setups coming on...i think we will see good things out of you

Face it, your a slut, your style sucks like airducts..
Ill make you "throw in the towel", like Arabs before haircuts..
it made me wince to read 'youre a slut'...you really shouldve picked some other filler words because that sounds herbish...the punch didnt necissarily hit that hard but it was funny so its a good filler bar in my book

Your even reppin KOK.so my dick already has you hypnotised..
You spit ice and I spit fire so..
Im gona melt you and freeze you just so i can murk you twice..
not up to par for this verse...i just wasnt really feelin it...you shouldnt have used your name in the first line because it didnt make sense and you really haf to force it...the concept in the second line is played...doing anything 'so i can merk you twice' is getting played...it wasnt terrible i just didnt really find it up to your standards...

i really said everything i needed to say in the bars...very solid verse out of a noob ill be checkin for you...you took the win here easily
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