Originally Posted by CommonGrounds

listen unlike most of ya tricks i spit mah rhymez quick to the tip
i get on the mic and let spits rip
the first line would be ok if the second line was a punchline but the second line was terrible...you cant have two filler lines in a row...
you from head to toe like jay-z
i be gettin mo, mo money mo cash mo hoes
the only thing you be gettin is bullet holes
i rearranged this for you how i thought you wanted it to ehyme...always put your rhyming words at the end and work on making your lines roughly equal in length...this is really bad...first of all mo money/cash/hoes is played to death...dont say it ever....gun talk is also played to death...some people still use it on here but not many vets do...also stopping abruptly in the middle of a sentence just because it rhymes is a no-no...finish your thought....
commin from mah semi-automatic spray
and close range wit mah 12 gage---
trying to touch mah flow is impossible im a lyrical sage
filled wit rage ready to cut loose im goin threw my lyrical stage
again with the gun talk...the last two lines were the best from this peice...filled with rage is a forced rhyme which you should have left out...work on making your rhymes sound natural...as if its a story you are telling your friend and it just happens to rhyme....
livin in my lyrical sanctum readin the book in mah head page by page
i dont smoke but still by skill i always blaze-----
first line very stretched...second line is a played conept but its ok...youre new...it will come to you...work on having very good flow and rhyming and after you have the basics then add in your intellect and it will fit nicely...you learn arithmetic before algebra...structure and flow is arithmetic...creativity and wordplay is the algebra....
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