:ark Skyz::
You not ‘seeing straight’ cause you being ‘ate’, and my ‘plate’ is ‘off-center’, think you a winner? You better ‘break-fast’ cause I eat’Champions’ for ‘dinner’//
Good Start out.. Nice metaphors in there, no real punch tho
Vision blurred, receiving punch rememdies in double doses, they don’t tear the fleash, just the ‘bones’, causing early stages of ‘ostio-perosis’//
ok meta..
Whipped like slaves on never-ending days, strapping long-bars for you, you and B-Boys ‘don’t fit in’ like ‘5 obese asses in a car for two’//
almost made me laugh.. Mediocre punch, but not bad..
Sulfuric phospate sprayed in your pops face and nucleaic acid for you bastard , yeah, I got your ‘shit covered’ like ‘diapers’ when’ babies blast terds’//
its ok could be reworded tho..
Thinking you’re a ‘bad boy’ for writing fuck you on old dudes, if you going crazy over this ‘spit’, ‘what will you do when I ‘cum’ for you?’//
play concept with the cum/spit part

Over all your punchs lackd tremindiously... You really didnt have that many.. no real direct, over all id give your verse a 7.4

*tips*
Work on you rrhyme scheme... your bar ares to long, and it throws the flow off.. try diss your opponents alot harder..


::Off~Center::
Ive been houndin-you, now yah gettin pounded-dude,
worst rapper of the year, didnt take you long to 'mar 2002'//*
put more holes in D than a dart board! battlin OFF's not wise,
get buried in a glass coffin with tints, always see 'Dark Skyz'//
kind of a weak starter... Meta could have been re-worded alot better
I let your hopes build up...Fool I needed the shade,
Put 'Jimmi' in a 'Dungeon' in the back corner of Hades//*
Jesus, Im off the hook like.....the one that got away,
I shouldnt even be allowed to drop...cuz votes we cant sway//
weak.. personal punchs was alright.. nothing special
Just mention yah crew...and they like, yeah OFF already won,
Cuz I punch you so hard...Dar'll piss out of his lungs//
weak punch


*tips*
Your rhyme schemes the best thing going.. But you need help on your wordplay/metaphors still... There really lacking, and as for your punchs there far to weak to be really any good.. Up on your vocab some, an work on the other aspecs as well..Over all id rate your verse likea 4/5

vote=Dark Skyz

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