Truly Xtreme
I watch people on the television/
They jumping off of cages and turnbuckles/
They be skating through halfpipes/
And they be punching with bare knuckles/
These are my heros, they are xtreme/
So why should I not be like them?/
If I could make money being dangerous/
It better than getting in another fight again/
But I'm xtreme in a different sort of way/
For me I hurt and I hurt on the inside/
I got all this pain building up from life/
So I relieve my pain by being on this scary ride/
Since never having parents causes me to hurt/
I wouldn't feel so much pain if I jumped into dirt/
Jumped from heights like fifteen feet in the air/
Landing on my back no one thought I would dare/
And then when my girlfriend decided to commit scuicide/
It was actually after those three on one fights where I cried/
Who would've thought it took three guys to bring me to tears/
Who would've thought I still refuse to face my fears/
Most people use a skateboard and they do it for fun/
But is it fun when going fast as you can down a mountain?/
And then you hit a wall and hope to break something but don't/
So you try it again to drown out all your pain but it still won't/
So you play all sorts of music like goth rock and goth rap/
And all this shit fucking sucks like goth pop and goth crap/
What I think would be xtreme is if I finally lost all my trust/
If I finally tortured and raped women and give in to my lust/
What is really xtreme is trying to fight fear of your sin/
I lust after everyone and I do my best not to give in/
But someday I fear I'll kidnap some girl to torture or kill/
How could I do something so sick just for a chip thrill?/
Or what if it goes deeper and I really do maim Magdelene?/
I tie her up and cut her up just to hear her corpse scream/
And what if my sick lust decides to go after little children?/
What I become sicker and sicker of a drip, well? What then?/
I tell you all that the most xtreme thing to do/
Is to face your sins and in my case it's lust/
Instead of drowing emotional pain with physical pain/
No matter what I do, I shall do what I must./
~~~
Woah, I gotta say, this poem did not do what I had intended. I intended this to be a happy poem. But it turns out that I got shit to deal with that aint happy.
The thing is, I'm honestly afraid. I'm honestly afraid of what I might do. I mean, at first I would just beat off to pictures of naked chicks, like all guys... well like all straight guys and gay guys trying to be straight.
Well first my late girlfriend was a sado-masochist. She liked, during sex, giving and recieving pain. She taught me all I needed to know. I sort of became a regular masochist. I liked getting pain, I just didn't like giving pain.
Then I started talking to my one friend and asked him why he was attracted to guys. And you know, he made sense. I started feeling atracted to guys.
Then I read this thing on the internet written by a necropheliac. And I started feeling lured by dead bodies.
And
this just showed what I felt inside.
And
this story had me feeling twisted. On one hand I wanted to do what it was that Drip did to Areolest, on the other hand the saddness actually brought me to tears.
So, I'm a man of lust. Go figure. However, know that the only times I fucked, I did not fuck. The only times I had sex, I did not have sex. In hell they fuck. On Earth they have sex. In heaven they made love. I made love. Not lust.