Prologue: present day – In the evening
So many thoughts runnin through me, hatred, regret and dillusion
My brain was plunged into unimaginable depths of confusions
My heart beginning to race, death isn’t something so simple to taste
I stood here contemplating on this building roof, with wind on my face
…
19 years earlier
Lemme take ya back to 1985, the year I was brought into this world
When this whole thing started, my fathers world twisted n’ twirled
My mother was commencing the patterns of breath in succession
When it suddenly stopped… The ill fate of death by conception
Something my father couldn’t handle, with ease it was to bring him into strife
He fingered a knife, eager to leave me stricken of life, for killing his wife
luckily I was saved… he was overpowered, but I knew that dad loved her
So he hated me… refused custody, and gave me to my grandmother
She was all I knew … her little house was where I upped n’ grew in
Just a shoe-in, but she cared so much, she was like a mother to me
Always there for me, pulled up my blanket when I was resting..
And I was there for her… When my grandpa passed to heaven..
We depended on eachother, because it was the only relationship we had
Cos of me she made with no husband, and cos of her I made it with no dad
Changes
As time passed, I started school.. Grandma made sure I was never there late
Got me ready, packed lunch… And walked me down the road everyday
I felt sorry for her in away… Whole days alone, damn musta been hard
No one to talk to, no company… No more playin, just us in the yard
But every afternoon she welcomed me back with open arms,
We were still so close… stll spent plenty of time together, it was no alarm
Hit a snag when grandpas will money ran out.. always used it to make do
But we soldiered on, no probs, social services kept putting food on the table
Teen Years – Beef as a calf
At 18, I came home and found grandma, tears running, distraught
I was duckin the law, I was fucked cos she saw the illegal drugs in my droor
“Why are you doing this?! This isn’t how I raised you.. why cant I get through to you?!”
“It was just a bit of weed..” “Your grandpa did weed and died earlier than usual!!”
“That doesn’t mean I will.. See, look how small that stick is??”
“Yeah that’s what you’re grandpa said, until he got addicted..”
“But theres no addicting shit in weed, its fine… not as bad as cigs, believe me”
“You don’t get it, it doesn’t matter you-“ “…forget it, fuck this…. Im leaving”
-
And so I moved away.. In the beginning, that shit was the hardest..
A little poorly hidden stick of weed.. And me and her beefing had started
- Full grown
It became easier to live over time, lived in a building, upstairs with some friends
Some shitty apartment.. But I had a job.. me n’ the buds were sharing the rent
Still did drugs… speed, weed, whatever need be… Aint learnt my lesson at all
refused grandma getting involved, she rang 5 times a day, but I rejected her calls
In the end we fell off… she kept calling, I kept palming.. she just wanted to try win me
So id come back… I wanted to go back kinda… But kept ignorin.. too much pride in me
No turning the cheek… So selfish and naïve… My future was murky and bleak
Me and her didn’t speak... filled by brainless hate brought about by purposeless beef
The beef is slaughtered… But…
One morning… I missed her more than before, so I decided to visit the house
Called in advance, but got no answer.. The phone just kept ringing on out
Didn’t bother about it.. I went anyway, forgot about beef didn’t give a fuck anymore
I just woke up and I saw it was stupid… So here I am bout to step up to the door.
*knock knock* “grandma??” *knock knock knock* “yo? Anybody home??”
… No answer… something was wrong, I was scared.. my blood turned cold as stone..
What happened… maybe its cos after a year, I suddenly wanna talk now
*knock knock* made some more sound, nothing, I proceeded breaking the door down
It was quiet… some thoughts spilled: was she dead? The idea sent chills through my head
Had she been killed, stung by death? I moved to her bedroom, she lay still, on her bed
… no…
WELL FUCK YOU THEN
Satan suddenly took hold of my soul, filled with hatred I lost total control
I know she was old, but it wasn’t her time yet… I grabbed her.. her shoulders were cold
FUCK shes gone, why? Death took her, came back and placed me in hell
Left with no-one.. nobody to help…. Shit.. I didn’t even say my farewells..
I left the house I grew up in and the corpse than raised me, and got in the car
My last words to her were “fuck it.. im leaving..” this time god went too far
Epilogue
And that’s why im here.. on top of a building ready to die
I have nothing to live for, fuck it.. it’s a welcomed goodbye
Runnin through that shit has convinced me, im no longer shattered
Ive gathered myself… I leap… land on the curb, where my body is splattered
I found myself in a white place… calling out with no answer
Until a familiar voice heeded me… someone… that called me “grandson”
~-~