The context of this piece and this is being honest..
Was really fucking dope.
Started off slow but you got a lot more emotive
as you went on and on.
Each situation/stanza had a totally different way of appealing.
My favourite was the kids who were always playing
with each other etc but as shit goes on you break off
& bad things are innevtibly gonna happen with a bad upbringing.
Another asset was the repition of " I write for you".
Worked very well..

Now to negatives..

Read over your piece before you post up and see it from
a readers perspective. Is the wording perfect? etc.
Cz this could have been a real dope piece if it wasn't for some bad wording.

E.g.
After she came to my house, asking my wife to take her..
Maybe later, to the closest liquor store before it closes..
Now the child’s eyes have dissapeared behind funeral tears..
As she became the woman of the house in two too-little years..
She used to smile at me, but no more, that’s what life’ll do..
.
This part had a lotta potential but poor wording
took my attention away.
The line after bout the gal in a womans body was
really good.

Good shit.. keep writing.

__________________

"Woop Woop, its the sound of da police"