Topic: “Begging for Forgiveness”

Stark depression, dealing with feelings and many questions..
My life sparks confessions, I’m never learning lessons..
Losing my 8th job, I coughed as they fired me on the spot..
Reason being, I forgot, to leave the safe draw locked..
Off the top, my boss never really liked me I could tell..
And my home life, my wife, always put my mind through hell..
Am I one of those people? That cant ever see success?
Got a mind block, with stress, but too much pride to confess..
Constantly wanting to run away, but no place to escape to..
Its how it feels, when you lose hope & your own mind hates you..

Personality problems raped my conscience and sensibility..
Now I’m deranged, partly insane, forgetting responsibility..
I’m 23, see my dreams and ideals are slowly slipping..
& I’m cold, like the handle of the steel revolver I’m gripping..
I’m tripping.. My wife’s screaming, the words are but a blur..
I fucking swerve, pull the trigger, a single gunshot is heard..
Death incurred, with a flash, my life flickered inside my eyes..
Or was it the light glare on the barrel, emphasizing hells fires..
I couldn’t tell, I swung around to see my baby girl at the door..
The scene was me, placing a bullet in my brain layingon the floor..

A cold flash, enthralls my conscience, trapped in an abyss..
The living world seems so distant, but nothings sorely missed..
I see a double edged sword, my name appearing on a list..
Like broken piano chords, I’m off tune drifting in the mist..
A scene similar to Revelations, like a biblical status quo..
Demons and creatures surround me, wishing I was alone..
This place is hell, I feel helpless as I fall asleep and cry..
No thoughts of suicide, in my real life I already died..
The pains horrific, Staring up, I see a face smiling sadistically..
My tormentor, I prey, but who in their right mind would forgive me..