Overly long with bad flow. I did not like the absense of structure or rhyme scheme.
You need to condense it and not repeat everything over and over. Vocab was decent.
Fairly deep, but the flow and lack of rhyming ruined it. It was decent at best, but it needs work. Keep tryin'.

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rap4 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rp)
n. Slang: A form of popular <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=music&v=56">music</a> developed especially in African-American urban communities and characterized by spoken or chanted rhyming lyrics with a syncopated, repetitive rhythmic accompaniment.
^Don't forget the white man^
Poetic Scriptures poems:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157364
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157462