thnx for the feed.
i am allway's writing on paper every day. This was just one that i felt needed to be better I have another verse to it but im happy with that verse. these are the first and last verse's. The second verse is what happen's while im passed out.

I just needed feed on these two to fix mistake's.'
So if any1 can tell me what they are not feeling in these then let me no.
thnx for all feed.
pz