hmmm... i kinda liked this joint... like ya said it didn't rhyme ... but so what?... it's called freeverse... and in this style of poetry it's all about the emotion that you put into it. there was a lot of emotion in this piece. I think you could have used some more powerful words to express these same thoughts but it was still very good. The only thing i would suggest that you do is to biuld on a more colorful vocabulary... words that aren't normally used in everyday language... keep a thesaurus handy when you write... it'll really help out a lot.

peep my new drop i just posted a few minutes ago... it's called When Last We Spoke...
I dedicated it to my father... let me know what you think....one