DaZ is right, you need to work on ya rhyme scheme and structure big time homie...

the / after every bar dont cut it, shorten ya bars, dont stretch them out so much and also work on ya rhyming. overall i think you could have some potential if you work at it and dont stop elevating... dont wory, youll get there... PM me if you want help elevating and id be glad to give ya some pointers. ~1~