Thread: Up Tight
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Old 11-16-04, 08:49 AM   #8
GangsStarShit
Hates Fucking Idiots
 
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Posts: 1,608
From: South East
IP:

sometimes I just wanna shut my room and be all alone
just lets some fuckin self asteem of shout and moan
^ flows but 2nd line wacked it out wit the wording

Cause I keep gettin into these fuckin petty arguments
and fuck bitch ur wasteing my time so i'll be all offence
^ weak rhyme not a strong bar

can't stop thoughts in my head shreddin impulses sendin
all these fuckin thoughts deep in are mix wid junk blendin
^ an aight bar prolly the best u put out nice wordplay

to confuzed but an't gonna back down and lose
sick off the abuse bitch fuck off bitch you fuckin jews!
^ 1st line aight but 2nd line ruined it

im swingin on my own like an army need someone to carm me
fuck all this preassure in my head is makin me go fuckin barmy
^ armys aint alone...2nd line aight

and bitch you don't judge you don't even know me so blowme
I only get on wid dudes who act kool and real who are homies
^ flowed but the closer was weak a basic multi though

Overall 4.5/10 u need to add more wordplay and also take time to word ya verse out better
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