THIS PEICE WAS AMAZING

ooooooh i love when i get to reply wit xcitment lol

Let me tell you a story about this girl I once knew
She was a suicidal babe and her mood was always blue
^nice intro you lettin us know whats going on but not forshadowing to wahts going to become of her

She had to seek sancturary before her mind went wild
So she ran about as fast as her pretty legs would carry
Haunted by goblins ghosts and everything so scarry

^ good character description.....gave us a sense of what kinda fem we dealin wit


And it was their she stood to fight the demons of hell
And it was their she stood only to have fallen to hell
^
where shit starts takin the necro appeal...yo ucna tell its gonna be intense from that line on its like ut oh .....

Her final words were "Leave me alone"
Problems at school trouble at home
Her final words were "Stay away from me"
We all know it's the fault of society

Her final words were "Leave me alone"
All of her pain no one was to know
Her final words were "Stay away from me"
Now her pain is gone and her soul is free


THAT IS A FUKKIN ILL HOOK those two paragrahs are like something i can picture myself sayin or picture like an animae chick..perhpas the lil gurl from teh KORN video *freak on a leash* that lil blonde gurl in a red dress thats like got innocents in her eyes but death in her veins........i can picture her sayin those two hooks right there no doubt imagry is here and im feelin this.........

It was then that he did what he could to her body
All sorts of torture of knives fire and sodomy
But if he killed her right then then her soul would've been saved
Instead he let her go into the world and there was something she craved


^ this reminds me of suffering from a withdrawl...not from drugs but from a loved one you needin it but it HURTS you but yo uwant it...tmost when it desserts you yano?

And now she's tortured forever by the man that she hated
Into every crevass of her body and her mind he invaded
^

simple ryme scheme but yet you can see the image your trying to get across .....again im picturing that lil gurl from hte korn video ......i dunno why


Who would think so soon it would be death she would marry
After her death her body returned to the cemetary
And her soul was lifted and sent to the gates of hell
Past Cerberus, river of Styx, she knew the sulfer smell
^beautiful writing right there...that type of play n scheme is waht makes your poetry so wonderful to read.....you bring life into the stillist words.....make ordinary words stand out ........amazing im in awe

lastly this peice is brilant very nicely done wel put together the ending was sad but ew knewthat it had to be sad for ht etype of peice that this was........i was compltly in lov ewit this peice and i hand you my upmost respect always have

hazyluk@hotmail.com
HAZY be CRAZY <AIM NAME

let me kno if you intrested in a collab.....