Thread: Jealousy
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Old 11-26-04, 01:38 PM   #32
DrasticMeasureZ
mess with me get cooked
 
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Posts: 540
From: some-where
IP:

Eyes burning with hatred like acid cos vision rates red…
Research last kiss in diary and cry at what the date said…
-THAT WAS AN GOOD OPENER U EXPRESSED CHA FEELINGS NICE

Pupil’s Iris locked on to my wrist as the minutes pass away…
Digesting the bottles contents when used to be glass a day…
- NICE WORDPLAY HERE GODO EMOTIONAL BAR


Constantly parked parallel to entrance of house in question…
Watching in dismay at their new found loving contention…
-O AIIIIGHT IAM FEELING THIS PART GOOD VOCAB AND FEELIGNS W/ EMOTIONAL

Set my heart on opposite gender resulting in an organ collapse…
Spirit fall like leaves when the branches reach autumn relax…
-WHOA~! NICE WORDPLAY MAYNE



Consciously view his scaled lips coress her almost perfect skin…
Used to be my position now its his arms that shes lost within…
-O AIIIIIGHT IAM FEELING THIS PART GOOD EXPRESSION EVERY LIL DETAIL


Stay still, stationary trying to hold my head with elevation…
Fingers clamped to my palm stopping blood from circulation…
- SO THIS DA PART WHERE U GET HEATED, NICE EXPRESSION


Feel frustration the anger build inside these unknown places…
Uncovered ground bringing me to these un-a-tone phases….
-NICE GOOD WORDPLAY,


Hate to feel this way, let jealousy control my inner emotion…
Flash backs of the night I found cracks in her sinning devotion…
- WORD NICE VOCAB


Erosion of belief and trust, I had it close but lost for lust…
This girls a must, but left my surroundings in a cloud of dust…
-GOOD EMOTION. GOOD FEELINGS U EXPRESSED HERE


Although I’m hurt inside with love and hate about to collide…
The feelings I store within won’t drift aside like the ocean tide…
-WHOA NICE META GOOD WORDPLAY TO GO WITH IT


Can’t stand and watch a family where the fences withstand me…
Human traffic with one route but no one will understand me…
-O AIIIIIIIIGHT NICE MAYNE

…………………………………………†¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦...............

With the sun pulled to the ground, only darkness not a sound…
He leaves the premises reminisce on that moment n wot I found…
As I see that red mist I cross from sanity to prison bound…
View the corpse on the floor beaten round a vision on ground…
-O DAMN NICE FLOW GOOD VOCAB HERE MAYNE


Then it hit harder than anything to ever enter my intellect…
If I love her so much, why did I choose to live in~regret…
- TRUE GOOD CLOSA NICE


AIIIIIGHT PREM- U HAD FLOW, GOOD EMOTION BEING ESTABLISH IN THIS PIECE HERE, GOOD VOCAB, GOOD META'Z, AND WORDPLAYS, THE FEELINGS U EXPLAIN EVERY LIL DETAIL THATS WHAT I MOST LIKE ABOUT THIS OM...........WORD
__________________



THE SLEEP & THE DREAM-
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wreckage
Very fucking Nice man, deep shyt, Ima nominate ya for Best poet.

Uppin this for drastic....10/10.....NICE SHYT MAN keep it up.


SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~!

P.S.A

COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL
OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM
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