Word...good storyline...your wording was off in spots so work on that...the flow was good but feel off in spots....vocab was decent....rhyme scheme was nice...this is one example of how ur wording coulda been better....
Instead Of:
The daughter was two, 1 1/2 years before you'd see her dressed in silk...
But now, the poor girl was lucky enough to even get some sips of milk
Replace with
The daughter was two, 1 1/2 years before you'd see her dressed in silk...
But now, the poor girl was just lucky to get some sips of milk...

Keep working at it...you got some potential...give it a 6.8/10...good drop

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That Old School Mother Fucker

Aint That A Bitch?

Crhyme Sindicate