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Old 12-29-04, 05:13 PM   #11
∆ P E X X
Engineer / Club Promoter
 
Posts: 5,606
From: Everywhere!
This was feedback posted for Cannabarz

IP:

Godfather:

If you was the earth your wind couldn't put out my fire/
my skills is the reason i'm worthy of being admired/
--eh. Mild. 2-syl rhymescheme is still basic IMO and no multis. As an inro this is considerably weak. [2.5/5]

why am i battling, you aint worth it/
if i wanted to battle a clown I'd call the hip-hop circus/
--A personal would have been nice - so would a multi. Not a bad line, just not very creative. [3/5]

I got a clown now where the hell is homey & bozo/
you better than me, nigga save it/
the freestyles you saved on your computer go erase it/
--If this is an actual personal - nice - but I dont' get the feeling it is since there's none anywhere else in the verse so I doubt you had that in mind. Deliv was eh okay. Still missing any multis what so ever. [2.5/5]

make sure you think before you write/
and go take your shit on some other freestyle website/
--same crit as above - could be a personal, but sounds liek a generic. With no real inferrence to a specific event - I gotta assume it's a generic. Once again, the deliv is lacking heavily. 1syl rhymescheme is middleschool shit - although I know this site adores it. [2/5]

[50%]

Cannabarz:


You laggin-with-queers, no wonder it's my flow you've been TAGGIN FOR YEARS!! ..
stupid! i'll rip him apart, leave this faggot-in-air, floating just DANGLIN-THERE !! ..
--real nice deliv - but first line is all filler to get multi points. even the second is fillersih - but masked in nice deliv. [3/5]

strangle-ya-ears, and RIP EM OFF YOU, ...i could swear, your boring son ..
he bites, i wouldn't be surprised if you saw shark teeth, instead of NORMAL-ONES!!..

second line had a 5-beat bar flow which always sounds like arse - but once again, the deliv was good. The Shark concept isn't a fresh one - but you delivered it in a way that I don't remember seeing and the delivery wasn't predictable. I didn't expect the "Shark Teeth instead of normal ones" deal at the end which always makes the punch more effective. [3.5/5]

jack buddy? who could you JACK, buddy? .. he couldn't tag the wind ..
he took the bait, ate the worm, now my dick's reelin this FAGGOT IN ..
--First line is all filler. "couldn't tag the wind"? So what? Just set up for the second line which was also filler and put to a 5-beat which will never work had you been spekaing over a beat. Well worded on the second - but not impactful. [3/5]

from the maggots limbs, ...GODFATHER .. your no disguise, ..
athiests, AND catholics are on RV holdin signs, saying don't VOTE THIS GUY!!..
--lol laughed when I first read this. The first line is still filler to build up for the second - then you busted a 5-beat bar on the second. Great deliv if it weren't for that 5-beat and filler on the first bar - but still multi'd and well written. Just could have been triimmed down a lil better [3/5]

provoke him, I? ..not me, your stopped, bee without the proper-aim ..
your a GAYLORD, and thats without the copywrites of FOCKERS NAME ..

lol nice job on the closer. Not a personal really - but an effective generic. Creative concept and a light-hearted and humerous bit of wordplay. [4/5]

[66%]

By the numbers, Vote: Cannabars
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