yo u's good u should continue writin' but da problem is dat it's kinda short so if u make 'em longa dat'll be betta yet and your's made lots sense but not all of it so make sure of dat too and ur structure is a bit off if u need help on knowin' how to fix ur structure or even knowin' y there's anythin' wrong wit ur structure then ask somebody dat seems expeirenced trust me i got lots of shit 'bout my structure when i first started too