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Old 01-13-05, 05:44 PM   #14
FlowIntelligent.
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DQ..

Vocab- was your biggest assest to this verse.. it was everywhere... in some spots a little too much vocab, you can do it big, without doing it big, meaning you can use good descriptive words, but not everywhere, spread it out a little, dont cluster it with all this vocab, people like simple topicals with good vocab, not complex vocab and a forced verse.. and the vocab made the verse look forced... it threw off the flow of the whole verse.. Imagery And Emotion the imagery in this was pretty solid, good visuals and you had an indepth description of most things.. Emotion on the other hand was barely there except for the last part of your verse.. it was just drawled out for the first half of your piece.. some emotion here, some emotion there... i think you should use more emotion.. maybe it was the topic, but work on that.. Wordplay,Structure,Flow,Consistency Wordplay wasnt there but that didnt matter much here... structure was good for the most part.. you fell off in a couple spots but otherwise it was fine.. no flow at all, like i said earlier.. the vocab you use is overdoing it.. just calm that down a bit.. you stayed consistent in the first two parts of your piece.. but the third one was on another level.. it was better than the first two..

overall : 8.4/10

Whyte Ave.

Vocab - Your vocab was ok.. i think you could have got more descriptive, but most of it was fine. Imagery And Emotion You definately had more emotion than DQ.. you were more descriptive.. more realistic, more consistent, each bar had a little bit of imagery in it, and thats what makes a good topical piece, emotion was off an on like DQ, sometimes it would be there, sometimes it wouldnt.. but overall you had better emotion than DQ also.. Wordplay,Structure,Flow,Consistency wordplay was ok, there wasnt much but it was decent could have been better,,, structure was decent, some lines too long some way to short, your flow was on for most of your verse... could have been a little better but it was good... and i believe you were more consistent than DQ...

overall : 8.7/10

I believe the first 2 parts of DQ's verse.. had nothing to do with the topic... it wasnt wrotten about the topic much.. i understand the connection between greek mythology and floating souls.. i did take mythology for 2 years but i wasnt feeling the connection as much... and i felt she didnt follow the topic as well as whyte ave. and a topical is about following the topic..

vote: Whte Ave.
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