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Old 01-15-05, 01:25 PM   #13
~Lady Fiya~
~*Duchess of Metaphors*~
 
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Posts: 4,458
From: chi-town
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Voted For: Spektikul

i read this battle last night but didn't vote on it..
you had so much vocab it made it hard to picture what was going on.. you flow was fine, but in topicals the flow is not the main portion, you have to get your point across by using imagery... however one part that stood out was this part:
your lives are lived a martyr. these days, ppl pop pills like suicide is health.
if it was that popular back then, jesus would have crucified himself.
dont you get it? he sacrificed his son in hopes of wisdom for the patient.
to live in holy places, thats why he was risen from his placement.
^^that was the best lines in yours.. but i felt like you went from describing a "deeper hell" then jumped right to, what's happening to this world compared to what could have happened if we thought the same way who do now, back then... you have to stay on topic to make it easier to follow through and it's best if you don't SAY what YOU want, you better off just describing the situation and pointing out the best and worst of things... just don't be opinionated... because it shows..

spektikul.. i was feeling these lines:
I never knew it hurt, but the acid from the rain
Started burning in my skin, and flowing through my veins
The pain was too intense, so I ran where I could hide
From the rain that was spurning, while im buring from inside

I tried to take shelter, as my body started shaking
When the sky filled with fire, and the earth started quaking
^^^these lines were full of images i was really feeling this.. and i was feeling the way you stuck to the topic.. flow was nice i must say.. you had a better connection with the reader with your verse.. and your imagery was pretty good..

kinda one-sided.. verbal i seen you write SO much better, but i feel Spektikul took this battle..

v/Spektikul
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