iight first off imma say I don't know what this was intended as becuas ethere were a lot of parts where you rhymed and others where you didnt. So it might be a poem or something along those lines. But the flow was choppy sometimes, it felt like you were trying to make all the emotion substitute for the lack of flow, which aint gunna work in a real song.
Anyways, the emotion was nice in it, basically the main aspect, but it kinda jumped around a bit too much. I want this to be a story that goes on while the reader is going cuz its was just too jumpy. The chorus or w/e was whack, I won't lie, work on that. Work on the low cuz no matter what you do thats what rap is gunna be about in the end.
I give it like 6.5/10
Hit this up and don't get butthurt:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=172478