this was a nice piece you wrote.. try to switch up your vocab and try not to stretch your lines.. the content was aight.. the story line was very good, but it needed to be written a lil' bit better, try using more adjectives and adverbs.. for instance, don't say "on the bench at night"... say something like "on the old wooden bench @ day break" or something like that, just get creative and don't think too simple.. do ya thang tho..
my vote/ 50haterkilla (for showing up)

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