The story was strongest aspect of your drop, I'll start with bad comments first, okay? (well bad...just things you could work on)

- Structure: divide it into paragraphs, center it...so it looks better and that makes it easier to read as well
- Vocab: could be slightly better, have to find a good balance between basic and complex

Then the good things...
- Emotion: was an emotional story and you had good emotion, could be lil more indepth maybe but overall it was strong
- Description: you described everything in a quite vivid way but maybe lil more details here and there
- Imagery: not too many, had an "in your face" kinda attitude which I liked

Had a raw ending to it, definately feeling that. This was a good read, keep it up!

DQ

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