Not bad man. At points it seemed more like poetry than rap.. I think you could of benefitted in using a few bars for an intro type part.. Instead of just jumping right into it..

I get the feeling that by your last few bars you were kind of just forcing out as much as you could after having said what you wanted to say. If you had a line limit to meet, then you should of continued on with a different stance on the topic instead of keeping it like a narrative of a documentary type thing..

Was a good peice though.. Keep it up..

__________________
RIP jono, peace out bboy.
Pardon Canada Criminal Record Pardons Services Toronto