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Bangs like bikini attol
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IP:
Voted For: Indeph
Look this is really close.. And I mean like I couldnt make up my mind for a while.. You both had the same type of story, but I think that Indepth took it to the next level. LE-- Your story was good, but there was nothing to describe the situation they were in. It was all just vague emotions like you were writing to someone who already knows whats going on. Indepth described the situation well and painted a picture of what was going on.
One thing though for indepth, I noticed you only went to 22 lines. You should of looked at ending the peice with a moral lesson or something that people can learn after reading your verse. But good work anyway..
Peace.
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