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Rastafari Walk Tall
From: East London, (Hackney) |
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IP:
Hells Fire - 3rd Place (imo) - 8/10
Check it, this was a very interesting drop....you came with a very long drop to address the subject, but it led to an irratic unproportionate structure..i could see no reason for your bad structure such as to convey confusion or irrationality so it just came across to me as bad writing..and in topicals I regard the "english" of the drop highly...your poor structure mad the flow choppy and it highlighted alot of other things in your drop, such as poor spelling - it dont take much to spell check a drop man..you could have easily overcome your poor structure with PARAGRAPHS lol.......I loved the way you tried to approach the topic..it showed a real flair for what you were doing..but i didnt like your use of vocab..in my book either learn how to use it responsibly like DQ where it is not over-done but ur still showing off some intellect or come simplistic like anxiety and show some originality...i found your use of vocab too much- i understood it but to me it just confused some of your ideas and spoilt what could have been some good metaphors and similies by making them too complicated or in many instances stooping them from making sense....your topic coverage was on point and a high proportion of your lines added to your story and developed the plot...with a lot fo your lines you made some nice images and conveyed a lot of emotion but at times what you created didnt fit with the topic and had no relevance...which even if they are dope lines they must be relevant to the topic...I think you would have easily taken this final with a more structured, simplistic and concise drop as a lot of your ideas far excelled those of the other 2 but they got confused in mess i.m.o...you have a lot of talent man... no h8 (sorry if it sounded harsh just pissed me off you fucked this up lol)
Anxiety - 2nd Place (imo) -9/10
Yo,one thing i dint like about this topical is the arogance that came through from it, despite your statemnts about humbling when loosing to nostradamus it just sounded cocky and over-confident all the way through and this was one of the emotions i hated in your piece...You structure was on point and it really worked well to help emhasise words in your lines..your vocab was so simple its silly but the simplicity of it made the drop so much better, and accessible to anyone reading it....flow was on point, although it would have bee hard to mess up the flow of the story using such monosyllable words..your topic coverage was dope...you came from a very original although annoying angle about your personal rise to the "top" in the topical game..and you stayed on topic constantly, with every line relevant to the subject...your drop if anything was filled with statements and you had next to few metaphors and similies which led to your drop lacking a lot of emotion and having almost no imagery..making it kind of boring and hard to relate to..all-in-all a solid topical but not enough to win this dope ass battle no h8
Drama Queen - Winner (i.m.o) - 9.5/10
I was very very very very (lol) surprised at first glance to see the length of your drop so short especially as you dropped after Hells Fire, so I almost immediately had doomed you to loss....but your drop showed a lot of elements that out-shone the rest and led to a solid dope topical drop which was virtually flawless...firstly you didnt come with the glaringly obvious as the other 2 in the sense that you looked to the future of the "end of the road" so you weren't actually there yet, whereas the other two where there, and this showed from the beginning you were thinking hard about the content of the topical...your structure was flawless...it was nice how it was seperated into paragraphs which were set out as almost stanzas or verses which gave a solid topical a poetic vibe which I was feeling being a poet myself...the vocabulary you used was well-placed,relevant and fitted in thee context of your sentences..you conjured a lot of dope ass imagery in this drop with effective use of metaphors and similies and this in turn created and conveyed a lot of emotions and feelings...in terms of topic coverage you stayed on topic 99% of the time..1/2 lines were off and really only outstood due to the shortness of your drop compared to the others..but they took nothing away from your overall drop...your drop was unique in that it didnt tell a conventional tale as did the others but instead told the story of your feelings and predicted them and that was hella dope yo...you came strong in this and outshone the favourite ever so slightly to take this.. no h8
VOTE - DRAMA QUEEN
rtf - LINKS IN SIG!!!
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