yo you need ta work on your multi's alot...there hasn't even been one in there and you just kinda kept it simplistic...there was no punchlines at all neither and u really didnt describe anything with any emotion...yo by adding all three of those to your open mics will grab the readers attention all the time so u really need ta practice anyway u can on that and if u ever need help just ask me or anotha emcee...i'd give u bout a 4/10 for that...but trust me i know u could do better if u try harder