yea....i cant say its bad for a first timer....work on your stucture....its horrible...it wasnt very witty...pretty basic shit...i could write it in about 5 min maximum...multis where honestly the only thing you had going for you...if it wasnt for them...this would have been completely wack...work on your vocab, structure, better multis, wittier punches and just overall a more witty verse...youll be straight

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