Voted For: Architect
You should have Dabatos DQ'ed but oh well...
Let me give feedback on your verse
Emotion: in the first part, the reader can really feel the desperate state the person is in, "hopelessly lost" is the term you use and that's also the emotion we feeling. In the second part we see how the darkness has taken over the control, everything's gone and again there's that sense of being desperate, not knowing what to do or where to go. Your emotion is at a high in the last part, it's so raw and strong...the acceptance of your fate and realizing you have lost the fight against the darkness. Came hard with your emotion...
Vocab: you have found a good balance concerning your vocab, we don't get the feeling that it's too basic and yet, it remains easy to follow. You worded everything real good to express the emotion and what the person is going through at the time. Especially love the way you worded everything in the ending, real powerful.
Imagery: you managed to paint a picture inside the reader's mind thanks to your wordings. Love how you use aspects from nature in your verse, it gives it a more realistc but at the same time mysterious vibe. Reading this piece is like discovering certain levels step by step, this also goes for your emotion. I think it's because you switch up the emotion (and the imagery) in each part. For example in the second part, the image of a plug being pulled and such. In the last part, you have the falling on the floor which expresses weakness, blisters on the feet and so on. Strong aspect as well.
Flow/Structure: I am definately feeling your flow, rhyme scheme is quite simple but this doesn't affect the content of your piece. Your nice vocab contributes to your good flow and the structure was well chosen. It matches the different emotions and stages in the story, the titles sums the part up in fact. Your structure also makes it easier to read and follow, very good thinking with this...
My favorite part is the ending, the complete surrender...Especially that little question at the end: "Have you?", made me think about life and such for a sec. This was a very nice piece, enjoyed reading it. Good job once again!
As Dabatos is concerned, feeling those 2 lines man
Could you please return the favor in this battle:
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=177089 Thanks!