Hmmmm, you took quite a risk with that approach because it's the kinda story you either love or hate but luckily for you, I love it but let me break this down...

Vocab: your vocab was from a rather high level which can work as an advantage but it can also turn against you. Here, it didn't affect the content of the piece. On the contrary even, it was a nice add-on but you have to be cautious. Don't let the vocabulary become more important than the content of your story so beware you maintain the balance between complex and basic.

Imagery: you managed to make the story yours throughout the imagery, you pictured the whole image inside my head so good due to the words you used. I could see it flashing in front of my eyes like a movie, you mastered the aspect imagery already for which I have to give you props. I enjoy your writing style, so vivid and powerful.

Emotion: the emotion was at a nice level as well, could be improved here and there maybe but nothing too serious though. You stayed quite consistent with the emotion, maybe a little more powerful in the beginning but you worded the feelings and thoughts of the person quite well.

Flow/Structure: I have no bad comments to give on these aspects, I'm just going to warn you. You like to use big vocabulary here and there so make sure you don't overdo it because you might make your lines stretched then which will strongly affect your flow. In this piece, it was just fine but I'm just trying to help for possible pieces in the future

Nice piece, enjoyed reading it!

DQ

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