Hey bro well this peice was good but it seem flat. When i read it, I want to be able to see a personility in your writting. If it my be jokes, or creative atmosphore. You had ok vocab in this peice so next time try to find new and bigger words to play with. You do a good job with staying on topic and structure. keep up the good work.
![thumbs up](/images/smilies/thumbup.gif)