Wow, man you need some help with alot of things, tthis just ran i could see you were trying to develop a story element but you need to brain storm your ideas, draw a circle, then draw lines leading to your ideas, down size your lines they are toooooo loonnnggggg, come up with a better rhyme scene, try some eternal rhyming and even use a thesarus. Keep trying though im not gone down you or nothing just keep trying, re-do this piece dont let the idea die.

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Coming Soon....
-A Soldiers Song....Keyz Debut song...on Rap Verse.com
Coming March 13 or 14th
-I live my life coming march 17th
-One PosT- Feat Nas April 3rd
-Record The World Feat Talib Kewli April 11th
-Killing ya top 10 feat Bone Thugs April 14th
-I love ya girl feat Pattie Labelle April 14th
-My Respect feat Jay-Z april 16th
-No Questions feat a Rap Verse Emcee