some decent vocab but you gotta work on
maintaining a good structure throughout ya
verse, keep you lines equal in syllable counts
that will help the flow, try to work on your bars
instead of just writing them n leaving them,
a lil more work and you could had some koo shit
in that verse, just think outside the box man
i was thinkin this is more a topical verse....
.
i thought this couldve been koo...
good concept)
.
He said, save him the money, buy an auctioned coffin
"Deaths waitin by my side, my only option off'rin
.
bodies dropin to save money, but youve seen my britle coffin
death awaits by me honey, i wish you could move so i could off-him
.
^^add more wordplay and a better ryhme scheme...
hope this helps, hit up my drop, its just for laughs